colorado

wow, it has been an extremely long time since i last updated this so i thought i would try to pick it back up. i moved out to denver the end of october.  graciously melissa and matt allowed me to live with them for awhile.  i actually move out tomorrow.  it has been an adventure out here so far.  i moved out here with no car, job and not much money with faith that God would provide because i felt it was where He wanted me.  i found a job exactly one week from when i moved here as a seasonal cashier at target.  when the holiday's came to an end, they kept me on. and not just that, i applied to become a manager of the front lanes, and was promoted.  it has been a blessing working there and i have been making some friends there.
it's been fun living with matt and melissa, especially being able to be here for missy's pregnancy :) and soon birth!
tomorrow's the day i move out, i'm moving to a house in denver that my friend jess lives in.  i'm excited for this next adventure and time in my life.

more of Him

This has been one crazy weekend, I can't really go into details, but let's just say we have a couple girls trying to get kicked out. It breaks my heart to watch them hurt so much. I'm thankful for God's patience He has been giving us. I pray that they reach their breaking point, and realize there is no place else for them to look, except for Christ and that we can love them like Christ loves them.

God is constantly reminding me that it's not about me.

My prayer is that there would be less of me and more of Him.

transition

ok so it's been awhile since i last updated. a lot has changed since then, including my position at Doulos Ministries. i recently started as a house director in the girl's house. along with that in the past two weeks we have doubled the number of littles and bigs. Doulos had a second property, but decided to consolidate into one property here in Kansas City. the transition has been crazy, but also exciting. there has also been a little restructuring going on in the houses. there are now 3 house directors and 1 resident director in the girls house.

along with all this change, my leadtime class just left about a week ago. it has been really hard for me to say goodbye to them, i've spent the last year of my life with them day in and day out and many intense situations with them. so needless to say it has been hard to say goodbye. it's been hard to trust what God is doing, but then again i know that through all of this i have had to continually lean on Him because I can't do this, only He can.

i am excited for this next year. i'm excited to see how God is going to use us and how He is going to continue using all this change to grow us closer to Him and to bring glory to His name. some prayer requests:

-that God will unify the staff

-that God would be breaking our hearts for what breaks His

-that we would earnestly be seeking Him

-community

-that we would be relational and not just about the rules

this past week was our house trip! it was a lot of fun...we hiked, swam in the river, went horseback riding, went to a waterpark, had a nice dinner and went to a show in branson! the show was funny...look alike concert, starring elvis, brittany spears, alan jackson, and the blues brothers! it was a lot of fun and the girls really seemed to enjoy it.

another year

well it looks like i'll be here in Missouri for another year.  i'm going to be wing director starting in August sometime.  i'm excited for what God is going to teach me and for how He is going to use me for another year here.  my heart still breaks for these girls.  

it's definitely going to be a hard transition in August...losing many of the women i've worked with and built relationships with and lived in community with for the past year...and starting to build new relationships with the new bigs...

we just got a new one today and will get two more this week.  one of them will be joining my room.  we also have a girl graduating this week which is bitter sweet.  

this next week we are going on a house trip which shall be interesting with 3 new girls...

we'll be going horseback riding, hiking, swimming and going to a show and dinner.

that's it for now i guess

summer

two weeks ago I was able to go home for our pre-summer break. i drove alone which ended up being some good time in prayer and much needed time alone. it was really good to be home and spend some time with my family and friends.
this past week was our first week of our summer schedule. i'm excited for the summer, there's a lot of things planned and a more of an opportunity for us to lead.
the summer schedule looks a little something like this:
8 Breakfast
8:30 kids in school until 12:30
9-10:30 girls group, fellowship time, class (depending on the day)
10:30-12:30 time off
12:30 lunch
1 the kids are out of school and we are with them the rest of the night until beds at 10:30
Each night a different activity is planned by certain bigs.
Monday: game night
Tuesday: Bible study (we are each taking a time leading)
Wednesday: serve day and movie night
Thursday: Sports night (this is the group i am in for planning)
Friday: Adventure day and house night
Saturday: Room night
Sunday: church and rest

I applied for the wing director postition here and should find out this week if it will be offered or not to me. If you could be in prayer that I am seeking God and that I draw nearer to Him through this, whether I get it or not. That I would be in His will whatever I do after this August, and that He would be changing my heart and preparing my heart for whatever that is.

camp galilee

this past week all of the littles and bigs and some extra staff went to Camp Galilee. we broke into four teams and basically the days we were there were a competition. we played lots of random and fun games, including mission impossible. my team was in the lead the entire week until the end! each team had to do a skit on the last day and incorporate a song into it and some of the theme. we also did some service projects for the camp, which ended up being cleaning up brush and trees from a bad storm. it was some good manuel labor!
everynight we would have a sort of chapel....sing songs and someone spoke.
i was asked to speak one of those nights on the future. most know that speaking in front of groups is one of my biggest fears. needless to say i said i would do it. it was really challenging for me, but i'm definitely glad i ended up doing it. i learned a lot in preparing for it and in actually speaking.
we had a pretty rough night last night. one of the girls cut pretty bad. it breaks my heart so much to think that they think that is the only way to relieve their hurt and pain. i don't understand it and it even makes me angry.
it's really hard being here, it hurts. my heart breaks for these girls and i pray that they will see Christ through me and if they learn nothing else while being here, that they learn that only Christ can heal them and use their brokenness for His glory, that they would seek Him in their time of need.
summer is quickly approaching, next week is the last week of school for the girls, then is break, then summer begins.

this past weekend was parent's weekend for the littles. all the girls families were able to come which was awesome to see. it was actually a really good weekend for the most part. it is fun to meet the parent's and get to know them. we get to go out to meals with some of them and what not so besides the awkwardness of it, it's good!
i got a new little in my room this morning. i am off this weekend so i won't really know much about her until the week begins. you can be praying for her and for our room.
on tuesday all of us are heading to a camp until friday. i'm really excited for it. it will be a great chance for team building and relationship building. i'm excited to see how God works there. we definitely need to be in prayer for the littles and for staff. also, i was asked to speak on of the nights on how my relationship with God affects my view of the future, so i could definitely use prayer for that...that i speak honestly and that i let God speak through me, that He takes away my fear and anxiety of talking in front of groups.
also, august is strangely approaching quickly and i could use prayer for direction on what to do after i am done with LeadTime.

i never really know how to start these things off, so i'll just jump right into it. God is continually teaching me so much and revealing to me so much about myself. He's teaching me a lot about confrontation and conflict, and how without it there really isn't much growth. He's showing me and breaking down a lot of hardness and bitterness in my heart that prevents the Spirit from flowing through me.

we are down to 10 girls now. i think God knew we couldn't keep getting new girls...we had had 3 in a week at one point. so it's been nice to be able to build relationship with the girls here without have to have to try and put more energy into new realtionships.

i guess that's all for now

i suppose it's about time for another update.
God has been teaching me sooo much lately. i feel like He has really been breaking me down this last week in many different ways. He's reminding me of my sin and how unworthy of His love that i am yet He still loves me.

it's been a pretty rough week just with a lot of emotional things going on and a lot of drama in the house. there have been some pretty intense situations. God teaches me so much in all of them and is always right there with us. He is in control, not me. my prayer is that all that we do brings glory to His name-how we handle the situations, the relationships, everything.

i've been thinking and praying a lot about what God's will for me is when i am done here in August. right now i'm not sure what it is but i'm just trying to continue seeking Him and falling at His feet surrendering all that is in me so that He can use me however He wants to.

God has really blessed me with a lot of support here. this past week i was really supported by the other bigs and staff and it was awesome to see how God works things out.

i guess thats all for now.

waiting

this past week was beyond week at Shelterwood. there were a group of kids who went on a mission trip to El Paso for the week and the others, including me, stayed back and served here in Independence and also at a local camp. some worked at a homeless shelter and others at a food pantry ministry. it's a good chance for the kids to get out of their normal routine at Shelterwood and get out and serve others and interact with those outside of here. it was also a good chance for me to get to know a lot of the new girls since half of the girls were gone on the mission trip.

God is really breaking me in a lot of ways lately which has been extremely tough, but i know it needs to happen. that would probably be my biggest prayer request right now.

we are now up to 14 girl littles, the highest since i've been here and there are probably more on the way. we could really use prayer right now as we are trying to adjust to having so many girls. it's challenging because we used to be able to have close relationships with almost all of the girls. as the numbers increase, it's harder to maintain the close relationships with them. we are learning that each of us will soon only be able to connect with a few and invest in their lives and not neccessarily be close to all of them. it's hard because my heart breaks for each of them and i want to invest personally in all of their lives but its just not possible. i am learning to trust God in this area...He knows how to best use me in the girls lives.

norm and i :)

waiting

sorry its been so long since my last update. it's crazy how busy things get here and how little time it seems there is. this past weekend was LeadTime parent's weekend which meant that my parents and family could come visit and hang out for the weekend. it was really good to see my parent's, cree, benji, and izaac! it was nice to be able to show them around and let them get a better feel for how things go here because its so hard to describe without being here. we had a lot of fun and it was relaxing! i was so blessed that they were able to be here!!



it's been pretty emotionally draining here lately, but God is continually humbling me and reminding me that I can't do it on my own strength.



lately God's been teaching me to wait on Him....to fall more and more in love with Him and as I'm doing that I'll know what His will for me is.

weakness

change is inevitable
my attitude significantly effects a lot of things
it should be the same as that of Christ
we just got new bigs
its crazy how it changes the dynamics of our group
relationships are hard
i never feel like i can be intentional enough

God wants our brokenness and our helpnessness.
He wants our weaknesses.
He wants our strengths.
He wants our pride.
He wants everything.
Its hard to give everything until we've been in the desert like Moses and lose everything.

2 Corinthians 12:9
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.


just some thoughts from today...

absolute surrender

lately God's been showing me that i'm trying to hang onto certain things in my life rather than surrendering them to Him.  when i think about it, its a slap in the face to Him because me hanging onto things is saying that i don't trust Him, that i think i might be able to handle something better than Him. that i can take care of it on my own strength. it's pride at its root. it's crazy to think that i want to be in control rather than giving God control.  why is it so hard to surrender everything?  why is it so hard to surrender daily?  i mean, God is sooo big and so much in control and has proven Himself faithful over and over again, but i still struggle to surrender every aspect of myself to Him.  

on another note, here at LeadTime...

we've had a pretty emotional weekend with some girls leaving the program. other than that it has been going pretty well, still very hard but good.  it is now the end of the fall semester and we will be starting up the spring semester after christmas break.  this will include new classes for us bigs and some new bigs.  as far as i know we are getting 4 new girl bigs which means there will be a total of 12 here.  it will be interesting to see how the dynamics of our group changes, but i'm excited to see what happens and i think it will be good to get some fresh blood in there.  pray that the littles will be able to accept the changes and give the new bigs a chance.  

narrow road

today i just got back from at retreat called the narrow road. we took five girl littles, and five guy littles, a few bigs, and some other staff to a camp called God's mountain.  the littles had showed interest in going, so they wanted to be there which was cool.  it was an awesome chance for us all to be outside of Shelterwood and outside of the norm.  it was a beautiful few days!  

God knew I needed to be there.  i had some really good conversations with some of the littles and staff.  i also was able to just be still with God and to lean and rest on Him.  i got some much needed emotional rest and time with God.

patience

this past weekend was pretty crazy because it was family weekend for the littles! most of their families arrived on Thursday night and stayed around until sunday. they stayed off property, but would come around during the days. it was a pretty draining weekend, but pretty cool to meet their families. i definitely learned a lot! thanks for praying for the weekend!

also, i just found out that i will be one of the three bigs going on the Narrow Road retreat this next tuesday until thursday! it is a spiritual retreat for littles that want to go! there are five girl littles going and five boy littles going. i'm really excited that i get to go, i know God has some amazing things planned there! if you want, you can be praying for that. i guess that their hearts would be open and willing to listen to God. also that it would be a refreshing time for me too.

God has been teaching me a lot about patience lately and someone asked me what God's patience toward me looked like....
a good question to ponder, any thoughts on that comment!

mere

family weekend

next weekend is family weekend.  the majority of the "littles" parents and siblings come to Shelterwood for the weekend.  this is an awesome opportunity for the parents and the kids and for us to meet their families, but also can be extremely challenging and stressful for them.  i just wanted to ask for prayers for this week that our girls would not get anxious about their families coming and that the weekend would be a great opportunity for them to bond and grow closer with their families, that it would spur their growth, rather than set it back.  

also if you could pray for the bigs, that we would give our anxieties about the weekend to the Lord, and rely on His words and His strength as we have the opportunity to minister to their families.

we talked about ecclesiastes 3:1-8 during our devos today. i just thought i would share it because it was a good reminder for me about time and seasons and that God is in control no matter what season it is.
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.
I guess I was just reminded about how God is in all of these times and apart of all of these seasons.