absolute surrender

lately God's been showing me that i'm trying to hang onto certain things in my life rather than surrendering them to Him.  when i think about it, its a slap in the face to Him because me hanging onto things is saying that i don't trust Him, that i think i might be able to handle something better than Him. that i can take care of it on my own strength. it's pride at its root. it's crazy to think that i want to be in control rather than giving God control.  why is it so hard to surrender everything?  why is it so hard to surrender daily?  i mean, God is sooo big and so much in control and has proven Himself faithful over and over again, but i still struggle to surrender every aspect of myself to Him.  

on another note, here at LeadTime...

we've had a pretty emotional weekend with some girls leaving the program. other than that it has been going pretty well, still very hard but good.  it is now the end of the fall semester and we will be starting up the spring semester after christmas break.  this will include new classes for us bigs and some new bigs.  as far as i know we are getting 4 new girl bigs which means there will be a total of 12 here.  it will be interesting to see how the dynamics of our group changes, but i'm excited to see what happens and i think it will be good to get some fresh blood in there.  pray that the littles will be able to accept the changes and give the new bigs a chance.  

narrow road

today i just got back from at retreat called the narrow road. we took five girl littles, and five guy littles, a few bigs, and some other staff to a camp called God's mountain.  the littles had showed interest in going, so they wanted to be there which was cool.  it was an awesome chance for us all to be outside of Shelterwood and outside of the norm.  it was a beautiful few days!  

God knew I needed to be there.  i had some really good conversations with some of the littles and staff.  i also was able to just be still with God and to lean and rest on Him.  i got some much needed emotional rest and time with God.

patience

this past weekend was pretty crazy because it was family weekend for the littles! most of their families arrived on Thursday night and stayed around until sunday. they stayed off property, but would come around during the days. it was a pretty draining weekend, but pretty cool to meet their families. i definitely learned a lot! thanks for praying for the weekend!

also, i just found out that i will be one of the three bigs going on the Narrow Road retreat this next tuesday until thursday! it is a spiritual retreat for littles that want to go! there are five girl littles going and five boy littles going. i'm really excited that i get to go, i know God has some amazing things planned there! if you want, you can be praying for that. i guess that their hearts would be open and willing to listen to God. also that it would be a refreshing time for me too.

God has been teaching me a lot about patience lately and someone asked me what God's patience toward me looked like....
a good question to ponder, any thoughts on that comment!

mere

family weekend

next weekend is family weekend.  the majority of the "littles" parents and siblings come to Shelterwood for the weekend.  this is an awesome opportunity for the parents and the kids and for us to meet their families, but also can be extremely challenging and stressful for them.  i just wanted to ask for prayers for this week that our girls would not get anxious about their families coming and that the weekend would be a great opportunity for them to bond and grow closer with their families, that it would spur their growth, rather than set it back.  

also if you could pray for the bigs, that we would give our anxieties about the weekend to the Lord, and rely on His words and His strength as we have the opportunity to minister to their families.

we talked about ecclesiastes 3:1-8 during our devos today. i just thought i would share it because it was a good reminder for me about time and seasons and that God is in control no matter what season it is.
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.
I guess I was just reminded about how God is in all of these times and apart of all of these seasons.

g-rap

for those who do not know, i was able to go home this weekend to suprise my mom for her 50th birthday (she was definitely suprised)! it was a lot of fun and such a blessing to be able to see my family and friends and just be reminded about how much they love me and i them. i was also able to bring my friend Jenn home with me!! let's just say it was a pretty amazing weekend off!

i had other things to write about, but they seem to be slipping my mind now. i guess it'll have to wait until another day!

shalom

running

hey there everyone!

it has been one crazy but good week! i never thought i would have to run after one of the girls, it was a good thing i had my chacos on!!!  it made for an interesting day to say the least.  plus last night another visit to the er and we didn't get back until 3am. 

i think it is finally settling in that i am going to be here for awhile. i am beginning to feel at home here and am really getting to know the littles and the bigs. God is teaching me a lot.  I still am trying to figure out good management of my time though.  i am enjoying our classes and what not.   

monday is going to be crazy too....i am getting a new girl in my room!!  i am super excited because i know God is putting her in our room for a reason.  but if you all could be in prayer for her and for the room dynamics, that would be great.  

monday i also have a staffing, which is where we have the counselor, house director, and bigs (me and my co big abby) share with our little strengths and weaknesses, and conflict resolution and other insights into their attitude and behavior.  it is basically a time for us to encourage and give feedback on how they are doing here in the program and what not, but it is a pretty formal process.  

i guess that's all for now, i should get to bed...big day tomorrow.

mercies

it is such a rollar coaster ride here.  everyday there are so many ups and downs with the girls.  nothing is constant, nothing that is except God.  

it is definitely a struggle to not get depressed here because there is always someone who is having a rough day or is down, and a lot of times it brings the whole house down.  i'm definitely learning that i need to be constantly leaning on God.  these girls are weighing on my heart and my heart is breaking for them.  

in one of my classes we discussed the difference between the red sea and the dead sea...

...the red sea....has water flowing into it, and is also has water flowing out of it...

...the dead sea...has water flowing into it, but has nothing flowing out of it...

relating that to here/and life...as disciples of Christ we need to be filled (flowing in), but also we need to overflow into others lives (flowing out) otherwise, we become stale and dead...like the dead sea.

i had this past weekend off, it was fun to hang out with my mentor, watch some movies and stay in a real house!  also i was able to try out a different church which was good. also i had a good jam session with my house director's!

i have come down with a cold/cough or something so if you could be praying for health that would be sweet!  

also prayer for my room, that we would connect and grow more as a room

and for the unity of the bigs

:)

shalom

classes

sorry it has been awhile since my last post, i just did not really know what to write about.
we've finally started actually having our classes regularly, because we have been doing training and life stories up until now! we have discipleship class, leadership groups, counseling class, perspectives class, process group, girls bible study/guys bible study. the leadership groups are small groups in which we are going through a book about leadership. the counseling class is taught by the counselors and is about parenting styles - love and logic. process group we meet with the director of Shelterwood and just kind of process through things with him as a group. discipleship class is a class about disciples and is taught by the COO of Doulos. the girls bible study we are doing is "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore. the building of the school/rec center is now done so we now have actual classrooms for the kids and we for us! (they were meeting in the basement of the boy's lodge in office type areas.)

there's just some general knowledge of what else happens here.
soon i will post some more about what God is doing in my life, and what He is teaching me. i have to go for now though.

God is faithful

God is so faithful! our roomtime today was amazing, both of our girls shared their life stories with us. i was excited that they trusted us and opened up with us about what they have gone through and what they have learned in their lives. i can't even imagine going through some of the things they have been through and it breaks my heart. but what was a God thing tonight was that there was another girl who joined our room time (God thing cause she normally would not be in our room at this time) who hasn't been here too long, and i could see that God was planting a seed of hope in her heart when she heard what these girls have been through, but how they have hope in Christ. one of the girls encouraged the other that God can use the crap she has been through for good. it just touched my heart so much to see God using the girls to minister to each other and it reminded me of His faithfulness in my life.

originally i was very anxious about coming here to take part in LeadTime, even pulling into the parking lot that first day i really wanted to turn around and drive back to MI. i am SO glad i didn't! God has been blessing me in so many ways just being here. my girls have been a blessing to me, and are teaching me sooo much. it has definitely been humbling being here as well. it's so awesome to see God at work here!

today in our house meeting, our sweet :) house director shared a passage with us from 1 Peter that pretty much sums up what is happening here at Shelterwood and i thought i would share it for those that are interested...

1 Peter 5:2-3
"Be shepards of God's flock that is under your care, serving as overseers--not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not greedy for money, but eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock."

I guess this would just be a prayer request, that this would be true in my life, and in the lives of others here. Also, if you continue reading that chapter there is some more prayer requests for me in there, that I would humble myself, cast my anxieties on Him because he cares for me, be self-controlled and alert of satan, that I resist satan and stand firm in Christ.

selfishness

today God brought to my attention one aspect of many of my selfish ways. He showed me how many times in my relationships i'm trying to learn, grow, and gain things for myself rather than giving and serving and trying to bless others. i've be challenged to be more giving and serving in relationships, rather than just trying to get things out of them for myself. i've been so selfish in this way.
shalom
meredith

pressing on

it is so challenging for me to know what to blog about because a lot of stuff goes on here, and a lot of stuff is confidential. but i also want you all to know what is going on here, so i will do my best.
this past week has been good. i am really starting to learn a lot more about the little's and their stories. my heart breaks everyday for them, and it is extremely hard to keep from crying. it definitely is emotionally draining. i have to keep relying on Jesus for his strength, patience, and love. sometimes it is hard for me to relate with the girls because i haven't been through a lot of what they have been through, however i have struggled with the self worth issues that they have, so it has been good to relate to and connect with them on that level. like i described in my previous blog, weeknights we always have room nights, where we can spend time with our room. we have started reading the book "Captivating" by Stasi Eldridge, and so far it has been good, leading to some good conversations about where we find our worth and what not.

last weekend for house night, we did a person scavenger hunt, where some of us "bigs" dressed in disguise and went out to this outdoor shopping area and walked around. let's just say, i was in a skirt and heels....!!!! needless to say, the littles really enjoyed it, and we did too!!!
it's awesome seeing God working in the lives of these girls. one thing that i'm learning is i really want to help these girls and want to see the change now, but it's God's timing and Him working in their lives. i just need to love on them with Christ's love!!!

enough for today :) if you have any questions, email me or feel free to text me....

2 1/2 weeks

this past week was the littles first week of school. i am finally starting to get the hang of how things work around here.  it has definitely been challenging, but it is awesome to see God at work in these girls.  my heart has just been breaking for them and what they have been through and struggle with.  God is working in my heart as well, softening it.  also, He is constantly reminding me that He is stable and unchangeable and that I need to be continually leaning and relying on Him, because nothing else or anybody else, can be my strength and my stronghold. I'm also constantly reminded of God's grace for us.

i also would just like to share what an average day is like here at Shelterwood...

wake up. do room and house chores. eat breakfast. walk the girls to school. have a half hour of quiet time. morning class.  lunch with the littles. they go back to school.  we have a couple hours off. short meeting to discuss the afternoon...who has consequences or doctors appts or counseling and what not...get the girls from school. hang out. or do aerobics. or go to walmart. eat dinner. chill. study hall. room time (my room is reading captivating during this time). lights out.

that is what an average weekday looks like.  on friday nights we have house night, which is a night when all the girls (bigs and littles) and the house director do something together.  this weekend we did a person scavenger hunt at a shopping center place.  i dressed up and even wore heels!!!  the littles really enjoyed it and so did the bigs!!!  and then saturday nights we have room night. that is where each room hangs out.  this weekend my room went to taco bell and barnes and noble.  

i hope you all now have a better understanding of what goes on here in Independence, MO.   thanks for all the prayers and support, much appreciated!!

littles

this morning i found out the two littles that i will have in my room, and my co-big. i can't share names, but do ask that you pray for them, and for me and my co-big, for the transition and our relationships. please pray that our focus will be on christ, and we will be able to love them with His love. they come back from break on sunday, and we officially begin tomorrow. i'm very excited to see how God is working here, and to see how He is working in the littles.

thanks for your prayer and support

IHOP

this past weekend we had a retreat with the leadtimers from our branson campus. we worshiped with them, had prayer partners, and some good time of fellowship. its good knowing that there is another campus, with people like us, going through similar experiences, and knowing they are praying for us and we are praying for them.
today i had to recertify my cpr training (good times for sure), and we had a focus group to give ideas for the new website of leadtime.
we had this afternoon/night off, so me and a few other leadtimers (bigs) decided to go to IHOP (International House of Prayer)...no pancakes...the first thing i noticed when we got there was that there were many different state liscence plates represented in the parking lot. it was sweet seeing how people from all over the country were there to join in worship. a little background info, IHOP has had a 24/7 prayer room for almost 10 years without stop, talk about praying without ceasing! it was definitely an awesome setting for praying/singing/reading the bible/journaling. it's amazing to think that it has been going on in that same room for 10 years. it was cool to be in that environment of worship and prayer.

training

I made it safely to Independence, MO.  However, I would like to give a shout out to Christina who drove with me here, but then because of a delayed flight, had to spend the night in Chicago.  I can tell already it is definitely going to be a challenging time here, but worth it.  I have met some awesome people and am excited to continue getting to know them!  I don't really know too much yet, but we are training this week.  This weekend we are spending time with the LeadTimers from the Branson campus.  I don't have much else to say, other than that I'm excited to see God working here, and excited for how He is going to use me!  

everything i need for a year in a honda civic

Just been packing up all night and I'm excited to go, but also a little nervous. I'm looking forward to meeting new people and having this new experience, but I'll definitly be missing my family and friends. Hopefully I'll be able to use this blog to keep people up to date with what's going on with me in Missouri. I'm so busy getting ready that my dear sister has to type this for me, what a pal!