absolute surrender

lately God's been showing me that i'm trying to hang onto certain things in my life rather than surrendering them to Him.  when i think about it, its a slap in the face to Him because me hanging onto things is saying that i don't trust Him, that i think i might be able to handle something better than Him. that i can take care of it on my own strength. it's pride at its root. it's crazy to think that i want to be in control rather than giving God control.  why is it so hard to surrender everything?  why is it so hard to surrender daily?  i mean, God is sooo big and so much in control and has proven Himself faithful over and over again, but i still struggle to surrender every aspect of myself to Him.  

on another note, here at LeadTime...

we've had a pretty emotional weekend with some girls leaving the program. other than that it has been going pretty well, still very hard but good.  it is now the end of the fall semester and we will be starting up the spring semester after christmas break.  this will include new classes for us bigs and some new bigs.  as far as i know we are getting 4 new girl bigs which means there will be a total of 12 here.  it will be interesting to see how the dynamics of our group changes, but i'm excited to see what happens and i think it will be good to get some fresh blood in there.  pray that the littles will be able to accept the changes and give the new bigs a chance.